Our relationships are the threads of our lives, when they are healthy and based on mutual understanding…..they keep us together, they keep us grounded, they help us focus on what’s important while allowing us space to grow as individuals. When two people meet and fall in love althought they may “love” each other as a whole, it doesn’t mean they have to agree with all our ideas, tastes or vision…..but surprisingly that is what makes the relationship work. Althought it helps if we share common interests, sometimes the perspective on a particular subject is not the same for both. To maintain a happy balance, we must keep our individuality while we learn to compromise.

A good starting point at learning to compromise is when it comes to planning your very special day. This is a time when many decisions need to be made on many levels, from finances, budgeting, family, priorities, likes and dislikes, overall preferences and how both of you as individuals perceive the relevancy of certain details.

It’s no secret that since the beginning of time (or at least as long as I can remember 🙂 weddings are a woman’s dream and the most memorable day in her life, of course second after the birth of a child, especially when it’s the first. We dream since we are little girls about how will this day will be?….our wedding dress, ceremony, colors, decor, etc. Everything is planned since we were little, the only thing we need to succesfully realize our dream wedding is actually the most important piece…to find our most significant other….our prince charming….our knight in shining armor, the one who will fill the blank and go along with ALL our long over due plans without any opposition right? But do you really want a guy with no opinion of his own? or a guy that gives in easily just to avoid involvement? or a guy you can easily manipulate because he lacks the character you have plenty of?…Or guys, do you want a bride who has from being an angel turned into this “bridezilla” you know nothing about? A bride who will not accept that you are also a part of this wedding and therefore must voice your opinions too? I don’t think so, I don’t think this is what either one of you want.

When it comes to planning your wedding, both of you as a couple should contribute your opinions, and your preferences. However, in order to keep the peace 🙂 it is wise to determine beforehand who will be making which decisions, therefore, each time you share ideas you’ll enjoy exchanging your thoughts giving each other the opportunity to express his/her preferences, but at the same time, you’ve made clear who will make the final decision on certain things even though you’re both willng to “compromise” and listen to each others input on the subject matter at hand.

I often interview couples who’s relaxed demeanor is visibly noticeable as soon as we start talking about details.I can immediately tell, they’ve already “compromised” and shared opinions on who’ll be best to make the final decision on certain things. As an example, men usually are in charge of the bar service, the music/entertainment, the transportation and choosing his Best Man while the woman will most likely prefer to be in charge of the colors, theme, flowers, linens, cake, invitations, favors, bridesmaids dresses, etc. However, this does NOT mean that you may find couples who equally divide the decision making. Another step in the process where it’s wise for both to decide in is when searching for the reception venue because men can be more objective than women when it comes to practicality-vs-the palace of your dreams!

I’ve seen grooms sit in my office and when us women start to talk about decoration details they get restless and ready to go. It’s very funny to see that they’re trying to get involved but once they hear us talk about how the napkins need to be folded in a specific way inorder to insert the delicate menu we already ordered!! They don’t have a clue and to them this is irrelevant.They usually joke and say, “the only thing the bride should be sure of, is that he shows up on the wedding day :-)…. everything else, he doesn’t mind whatever she chooses is fine!”… of course there’s humor in that and frankly, it’s very flattering! because now we know for sure he completely trusts his future wife’s judgement and THAT!…is also a form of “compromising” don’t you think? 🙂

In the end, it doesn’t matter that you don’t see eye to eye in a variety of things for your wedding, perhaps he never gave much thought to the idea of the flowers to be tall towering arrangements or a single rose until he heard you mention it? The important thing is that you shared the idea and decided who’s opinion will decide? So when the moment comes, your wedding planning can be as smooth sailing as your marriage will be. Learning that men and women have totaly diverse priorities is what makes us attract.

So listen, observe and analyze your soon to be life partner’s opinions and eagerness to “compromise” while planning your wedding……whether you are the man or the woman, most important, you are a couple and whatever may be revealed or discovered about your chosen partner during this process may be helpful in keeping your lines of communication always open for discussion.

“Sometimes it is the smallest detail that can tell the most about a person.” 🙂

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